Five Years
by lindsmei815
Summary: Five years after running away to Chicago, Jane returns to Boston for her mother's wedding and to face the past she ran from. This is my first attempt writing any fan fiction, please let me know if I should continue. Story will eventually be Rizzles.
1. Chapter 1

Thanks MLH for being my beta.

Disclaimers: Obviously, I don't own them.

...

"5 years," Jane thought ruefully, staring out the window as the plane touched down at Logan Airport.

It felt like an eternity, but at the same time, not nearly long enough. Not long enough to make the pain go away.

She drove her rental car away from the airport, looking at the familiar skyline, thinking about all that had changed. She found comfort in the fact that Boston rarely changed.

For five years she had been living in Chicago, after accepting a job in their homicide division. Five years, 1 month and 2 days to be exact. Not that Jane was counting.

"So maybe I am counting," Jane grimaces as she realizes that the first thing she does every day when waking up is add another day to that count.

...

5 years, 2 weeks and 6 days earlier:

"Cavanaugh, we got enough to do today, we don't need some half-assed pep talk you're being forced to give," someone yelled as Lt. Cavanaugh tried to quiet the crowd. Everyone laughed. Well, almost everyone. Cavanaugh's face stayed stony, not interested in the playful banter. The expression on the face of the dark-haried woman standing next to him didn't change either.

"Ok, enough, enough," Cavanaugh started. "I have an announcement."

The crowd quieted down, sensing that this was big news.

"Detective Jane Rizzoli has accepted a position in Chicago PD's homicide department, effective two weeks from now," he paused. "Jane, Boston PD won't be the same without you, Chicago is gaining a great detective."

The reaction ranged from congratulatory to indifferent to shocked to —

"NO! You're not leaving Jane Rizzoli!" the Medical Examiner pushed her way through the crowd, tears streaming down her cheeks.

Jane turned away from her and walked out of the bullpen.

...

"It's funny, that whole change thing," Jane thought as she drove down familiar streets. "I feel completely different, yet this damn town feels exactly the same."

She pulled up to a familiar house, taking a deep breath, hoping that the next 73 hours and 23 minutes would feel more like 3 hours than the whole 3 days. The driveway was filled with cars and delivery vans and Jane's mind flashed with regret, realizing she had missed out on so much of this process. Putting the car in park, she said a little prayer to whoever was up there, hoping that she could make in through the weekend with out too many tears — or too much blood for that matter.

Wiping her suddenly sweaty hands on her pants, she walked towards the door, nervous as she realized she had no idea if she should just walk in or ring the doorbell. Or hell, just use the key she'd never removed from her keychain. She grimaced. She decided ringing the bell was the best course of action.

"Ah yes, may I help you?" A smiling face appeared as the door opened.

"Not who I was expecting," Jane thought to herself.

"Uh, yes, I'm the maid of honor..." Jane answered, trailing off.

"Oh, yes! Jane! Please come in, I've heard so much about you," the man gestured back towards the house. "Angela will be so happy you're here!"

"And you are...?" Jane knew the answer already, she just needed confirmation that this was in fact, her greatest nightmare.

"Oh, I'm so sorry, I'm Evan, Maura's..."

"Janieeeeee!" Evan was cut off as Angela barreled down the hallway and scooped Jane into a hug. "You're finally here! You're too thin!"

"Ma, you saw me two months ago, I'm the same as I was then."

"And two months ago you were too thin."

"Ma, I haven't even been in town 3 hours and already you're starting? Planes fly between Boston and Chicago all the time, I can turn around now."

"Oh Jane, stop, it's not every day your mother gets married you know."

"I know Ma..." Jane starts to protest, glancing up and finally seeing the face she's been dreaming about for five years, 1 month and 2 days.

"Jane," Maura's voice was short, uncertain, questioning.

"Maura, I..." Jane was cut off by her mother.

"Oh, both of my girls back together! I'm so happy!" Angela pulled them both into a hug.

...

5 years, 3 weeks, 2 days ago:

Jane glanced down at the blonde haired woman who leaned against her, watching her as intently as the blonde watched the documentary. She loved watching Maura's expressions as she digested the information on the screen — her eye-brows knitting together as she considered a particularly perplexing point.

"Jane, why are you watching me?" Maura's question snapped Jane out of her thoughts.

"I, uh, just like watching you watch tv."

"Oh, okay," Maura responded, turning back to the program. That was one of the things Jane loved most about Maura. As much as she questioned everything around her, she never questioned Jane. She accepted her so simply, without question.

Jane smiled, thinking that nothing could be better than this moment. Beer in hand, comfortable couch, big screen tv and most importantly, the beautiful, smart woman draped over her. Okay, she admitted, watching the Red Sox instead of a documentary about the mating rituals of deep sea sea anemonae or whatever they were called would have made it perfect.

Maura leaned in closer, something she did when she was getting tired. Jane curled her arm tighter around Maura, the latter sighing contentedly.

"Jane?" Maura's sleepy voice questioned.

"Yes Maur, I'm staying." Jane smiled.

"Okay, good, did you know that overtiredness can be as dangerous as driving while intoxicated?"

"Yes, Google, I did. Let's get ready for bed."

The two women went to their respective bathrooms, Jane to the guest bathroom, Maura to her master bathroom. They went through their nightly routines, Jane smiling as she opened a drawer of the dresser in the guest bedroom, finding a well-worn Bruins t-shirt and shorts folded neatly among the other clothes that had gradually migrated from her own closet in her own apartment.

Jane wandered back down the hall to Maura's room, under the guise of saying good night. She hoped that it would lead to an invitation to join the blonde in bed. Jane was careful never to intrude, never to assume, waiting instead for Maura to look pointedly at the empty space next to her and give her a hopeful look.

"Jane...?"

She smiled at the invitation, climbing into Maura's pillowy bed, cuddling her tired body into the soft sheets.

Maura moved closer, their bodies relaxing together.

"Maur, I don't know why I even have my own apartment any more, I'm here more than I'm home."

"Jane, that's quite a big step. I believe in some circles it's called 'U-Hauling'".

Jane stiffened at the implication.

"I, uh, didn't mean..." she stuttered.

"It was a joke!" Maura smiled, proud that she was able stump Jane.

"Oh! Yeah, sure. After midnight and you become a comedian." Jane relaxed, hoping she didn't give away what she was feeling. Had Maura really implied they were like a lesbian couple?

"Good night Jane."

"Night Maur." Jane laid there, suddenly wide awake, as she thought about what Maura had just said. How did she know that all Jane wanted, all she hoped for, was affirmation that Maura felt about Jane the same Jane felt about her? It was a long time before Jane finally drifted to sleep.

...

Jane pushed herself back from Angela's embrace, her body rigid after being pressed close to Maura's. Not quite how she imagined their first interaction. She glanced at Maura, feeling a little comfort when she saw Maura's rigid posture. Clearly not how Maura imagined it either.

"Ma, I just wanted to stop by and tell you I got in. I'm going to the hotel to shower and drop off my things ok?"

"Janie, you just got here, Tommy and Frankie and TJ will be here soon, you haven't seen Maura in five years. The hotel can wait."

"Ma..."

"Vince will be here too. Don't make me pull the bridezilla card Jane Rizzoli."

"Okay, okay, I'll stay."

"Jane, can, can I, uh, get you a beer?" Maura's voice was tentative. Jane turned, having momentarily forgetton that she was standing in the hallway of Maura's home.

"I'm fine, thanks," Jane responded coolly, not wanting to giveaway her true feelings.

"Hey, Jane, we didn't get properly introduced, I'm Evan, Maura's boyfriend." Jane took a deep breath before turning to the person who had just spoken. He had his arm around Maura's waist and stuck her hand out for her to shake. Jane had to admit, he was handsome and complimented Maura, looks-wise at least.

"Nice to meet you," Jane avoided the handshake, rubbing her hands together. If Evan was offended, he didn't show it. She wondered if Maura had told him about Hoyt, about Jane's reluctance to have her hands touched. Or had she forgotten over the years; discarded as just another quirk of her ex-LLBFF.

"So Ma, what do you need me to do?" Jane turned before she could get sucked into a conversation with Maura...and Evan.

"Please, come out of the entry-way," Evan gestured towards the living room.

"Like he fucking lives here," Jane muttered under her breath, thinking no one could hear her.

"He does live here!" Of course, Angela Rizzoli heard it.

Jane's stomach dropped. She knew on some level that Evan existed and that she'd have to face him, but she didn't realize he had moved into Maura's house, now his house. The place Jane felt most comfortable, felt grounded. Her sanctuary. To be fair, it hadn't been that for years, but despite the time and hurt, Jane still felt that way. Now it felt tainted.

She walked down the hallway to the familiar living room. How many hours had she and Maura spent on that very same couch, watching tv after a long day, eating Chinese food out of the container (one of the many things Jane had taught Maura)? How many times had they sat on that couch, comforting each other, holding each other as tears fell?

Angela was talking to her, but Jane couldn't focus, couldn't hear her words. She was focused on the couch, wishing should could rewind the world to five years prior. She and Maura, sitting on the couch together, tangled up, sometimes excitedly talking over each other, or contentedly sitting in silence. She shook her head, her mind finally realizing her mother had asked her a question.

"What was that? Sorry, still shaking off the flight."

"Jane, I asked if you wanted to try on your dress! Go to the guest room and try it on! I'll be in soon."

Jane did as she was told, walking down the familiar hallway. She noted that Maura had added to her art collection, two new paintings on the hallway wall. She turned into the guest bedroom, not knowing what to expect. The room was exactly the same.

"Talk about rewinding 5 years," Jane muttered. She walked over to the dresser, laughing at herself as she pictured her clothes still sitting in the dresser. "I'm sure she got rid of them. Probably threw them out."

She opened the drawer where Maura had kept her t-shirts, surprised when she saw the Red Sox logo splayed across a well-worn gray t-shirt. It must be Evan's, Jane thought. Then she realized — no, that's my shirt. She dug down into the drawer, they were all her shirts. Jane pulled the Red Sox shirt out, pulling it close to her. It smelled like Maura's laundry detergent, not musty and not like it had been sitting in a drawer for five years. Interesting, Jane thought to herself.

Replacing the shirt, she turned and saw the plastic wrapped dress hanging on a hook on the back of the door. She quickly slipped off her clothes, replacing them with the emerald green dress her mother had picked out for her to wear. She was surprised that it actually flattered her body. While she didn't love to wear dresses, when she did, she wanted to look good doing so.

She heard a knock at the door and Angela peaked her head in.

"Oh Janie, you look beautiful!"

"Thanks Ma, the dress is great."

"Of course it is, Maura helped me pick it out!" Jane's heart dropped. Was there nothing in her life that woman hadn't had a hand in?

...

5 years, 2 weeks and 5 days earlier:

"Jane, I have to do it. She's my family."

"No Maura, she's not your family. You share DNA. You of all people should understand it's just DNA."

"Why can't you see how much I want to do this? Kayleen is my sister. Hope is my mother."

"Maur, I know how much you want to do it. I'm not telling you not to do it, I just want you to be level headed about it. I want you to think about your parents, about Constance and Philip. Think about your family Maura."

"They are my family Jane!"

"Think about us Maura," the words slipped out before Jane could stop them. "I mean, the Rizzolis. You're our family and we'd be lost without you. What if something happens? What if something goes wrong? You always say you love my family and we love you. We need you to make our family complete."

"You know how I feel about your family, you, Angela, Frankie and even Tommy mean the world to me."

"Maura," Jane said softly. "I need you."

She looked at Maura, tears forming. It was now or never.

"I need you more than I've ever needed anyone. I need to know that you'll be there today, tomorrow, months, years from now."

"I will be, this procedure is very simple as far as surgeries go."

"No, Maura, listen," Jane cut her off. "I need you in my life..."

She paused. Maura just looked at her, knowing that if Jane were on the verge of tears, whatever she had to say must be important.

"Maura, I love you." Jane put her head down.

"Jane, I love you too, you know that. You don't need to wor..."

"No, Maura. I'm in love with you," Jane looked up, into Maura's eyes, hope evident through the tears.

"Oh Jane."

And with that, Jane was on her feet, grabbing her jacket and racing out the front door. Her worst fears had been confirmed. Maura Isles was not in love with her. Jane had seen the momentary confusion in Maura's eyes, the look she gives when she's trying to figure out the answer to a tough equation, or when she doesn't know how to read a situation. She saw pity, of course the beautiful, smart Maura Isles wasn't in love with her, the rough, lowly detective.

Shocked, Maura got up to follow Jane, but instead, all she saw were the tail lights of Jane's car as she drove off.

...

5 years, 2 weeks and 4 days earlier

Jane was sloshed. There was no other way to put it, no euphemisms — not tipsy, hell, not even drunk. Sloshed.

The three remaining beers in her fridge, the last 3 shots in the tequila bottle, even the expensive bottle of wine Maura gave her to save for a special occasion.

"How's this for special?" Jane slurred, toasting to no one in particular. "I think this is a perfectly special occasion, Doctor Maura Isles. The night you broke my heart into a thousand pieces."

Her phone had rung countless times, the first ten times, Maura had left a message. Jane refused to answer or listen to the messages, deleting them before she could hear Maura's voice.

"I don't need your pity Chief Medical Examiner Maura Isles!" Jane toasted again.

She heard a knock at the door.

"I'm not home! Go away!"

"Jane, please!"

"Go away! I don't need you. I take it all back, I don't need you in my life."

"Please! Let me in!"

"Go away." She heard Maura try her key, thanking herself that she had thought to put the chain on. She huddled into the couch, putting pillows up to her ears, blocking out Maura's voice.

Hours later, Jane woke with a start, her head pounding.

"What the fuck have I done?" She looked around at her apartment. Her crappy apartment, files from work everywhere, clothes strewn about, alcohol bottles on their sides on the floor. "What am I doing? I need to get the hell out of here."

Fueled by her anger, her sadness, Jane fired up her computer. LA? No, I don't want to chase after drunk celebrities. New York? I hate that damn city. Dallas? Too many cowboys. Chicago? I could do that. On an impulse she submitted her application for an open detective position.


	2. Chapter 2

A/N: Thanks so much for all of the reviews! I never expected such a great response. Please let me know your thoughts on this chapter. The story is mapped out, and I'll try to update every 2 days or so. Enjoy!

...

Jane slowly slipped out of the dress. Of course Maura had helped her mother pick it out. She always knew exactly what looked best on Jane, why would that change?

She hung the dress back on the hook, careful not to wrinkle it, lest she face her mother's wrath. Rather than put her shirt back on, she walked back towards the dresser, taking out the Red Sox shirt, inhaling the familiar scent deeply, then putting the shirt on before she could think about what she's doing.

She walked back towards the living room, smiling at the sounds emanating down the hallway. She was reminded of all of those Sunday dinners years ago, Angela cooking bowls full of pasta, her brothers jostling in front of whatever game was on, Maura, beautiful Maura, smiling at the chaos that had invaded her usually serene home.

"Janie!" Frankie spotted her, jumping up to embrace her into a hug. Tommy followed behind, with TJ grabbing her legs. She had missed this. Text messages and phone calls weren't enough and weekly Skype-sessions with TJ didn't make up for feeling his little arms wrap around her legs, trying to emulate his father who had a slightly higher vantage point.

"Aunt Janie, you're here!" She hadn't seen TJ for almost a year, the last time Tommy and Lydia had made the trip to Chicago. She scooped him up into her arms, hugging him close.

...

Maura stood back from the crowd, watching the Rizzoli family, her family. She loved them more than she ever thought she was capable of, and her love had grown even after Jane left. They had never made her feel unwelcome and she always had a place at their increasingly crowded dinner table. They had even welcomed Evan into their lives without question.

Maura stiffened as she felt arms wrap around her waist. It was just Evan, she reminded herself, still lost in her own thoughts. He kissed the back of her head, whispering.

"I love your family, I'm so happy to be a part of them. Jane will come around."

She turned and smiled at him, feeling grateful to have him by her side. Looking up, her heart rate increased as she saw Jane enter the room. Wearing her Red Sox shirt, a shirt Maura knew she had found in her dresser. Of course Maura knew that because she had recently placed it back in the drawer after wearing it to bed one night.

...

Five years, 1 month and 2 days ago

Maura leaned back against Jane. How many nights had they don't this same thing? Maura wasn't sure if this is what all best friends did, but it was what she and Jane did. Jane didnt stop her and she had more best friend experience, so who was Maura to stop what had become one of her favorite parts of her day.

The truth was that Maura was in love with Jane. There was no confusion, she had examined the facts and there it was in stark black and white.

But she also knew she shouldn't feel this was about Jane. Her best friend. It had nothing to do with Jane being a woman, she had always maintained that gender was irrelevant to her attractions to people. No, she knew she shouldn't feel this way because it would mean losing Jane forever. So Maura stuffed those feelings deep inside of her and focused on being the best friend to Jane that she possibly could.

Getting tired, she cuddled closer to Jane.

"Jane?" She asked, hoping the rest of the question would be evident in her voice. She smiled tiredly when it was and Jane followed her towards the bedrooms.

She completed her nightly routine, climbing into bed, waiting to hear the familiar footsteps. She loved seeing Jane's face peek in the doorway, a hopeful look on her face. Jane never expected Maura to ask her to share her bed. She waited for the inevitable invitation and then they would both settle in comfortably.

"Maur, I don't know why I even have my own apartment any more, I'm here more than I'm home," Jane commented, smiling at Maura.

"Jane, that's quite a big step. I believe in some circles it's called 'U-Hauling'," Maura was proud of her joke. She felt Jane stiffen next to her.

"Oh no," she thought, "I've overstepped my boundaries." Maura mentally scolded herself; whenever she grew tired, it was harder to push those feelings down.

"I, uh, didn't mean..."

Of course Jane didn't know how to respond, she just implied she and Jane were lovers!

"It was a joke!" Maura smiled, hoping it masked her true feelings. Luckily Jane accepted her comment.

They said their good-nights, Maura meditating to try and calm her frantic heartbeat, until she finally fell asleep.

...

Maura's thoughts were brought back to the present. She smiled as Jane's brothers and TJ nearly knocked her over with their hugs.

Angela was right, Jane was too thin. She looked older, tired. But when she smiled, she still had that radiant smile Maura loved to bring out. The one where the dimple in her cheek showed, the one that lit up her whole face.

Jane sat down on the edge of a chair as Maura and Evan sat on the couch next to Angela.

"Ma, when's Vince getting here?" Jane asked after her former partner and soon-to-be step-father.

"Oh soon, he'll be here soon!"

"Ma, I gotta go check into my hotel before the rehearsal dinner."

"Jane, please, I haven't had all of my babies in the same room for five years. Please just let me enjoy it before you're off to Chicago."

"Ok, ok, I'll wait."

"So Jane," Maura heard Evan start next to her. "How's Chicago treating you? Great city right?"

Jane turned to Evan. Maura saw the expression on her face, of anger, of confusion, of sadness. She tried to catch Jane's eye, but Jane refused to look at her.

"Oh, yeah it's great," Jane responded in a monotone. "Great if you like not one but two bad baseball teams, crappy pizza and 10 feet of snow every year."

"So why do you stay?" Maura asked, putting her hand over her mouth when she realized what she had said.

"Good question!" Angela answered before Jane could. "Why do you stay? Come back to Boston, I want all of my children to be with me."

Maura looked at Jane. She was staring at her hands, rubbing them.

"Ma, please. I'm here ok? Can't you just enjoy it? Evan, to answer your question, Chicago is great. My job is great."

"Auntie Janie, when I visit Chicago again can we go on the ferris wheel? And go see the bean?"

"Of course TJ, we can even go see the Cubs play if you want."

"Really? Daddy told me I can't root for them, only the Red Sox. But I told him I root for them because you live in Chicago like the Cubs do."

"That's right TJ, I live in Chicago like the Cubs."

Maura saw the tears in Jane's eyes. She wished she could wipe them away, she wished she weren't the cause of the tears.

...

5 years, 2 weeks and 5 days earlier:

"No, Maura. I'm in love with you," Maura heard the words she'd only allowed herself to dream about hearing.

"Oh Jane," Maura's thoughts raced through her head. All those months of pushing her feelings away, of trying to act like the playful banter and the lingering touches were part of normal best friendships, was Jane saying she felt the same way?

Before Maura could open her mouth again, Jane was out the door. Still in shock, Maura got up to follow Jane. She ran out the door, all she could see were the tail lights of Jane's cruiser. She shut the door, collapsing to the floor, tears streaming down her face. Why had Jane left like that? What had she done to cause her to run?

Maura did what she did whenever she couldn't solve a problem — look at the evidence. Fact, Jane had told her she loved her. Fact, Maura's response of "Oh, Jane."

"Oh no, she thought I was rejecting her." Maura's momentary hesitation in responding with the three words that had been on the tip of her tongue for months caused Jane to flee.

She called Jane's phone, hoping she would answer. Call after call went unanswered.

"Jane, it's Maura...please, please call me back. We need to talk, why did you leave? I'll be here, I'm waiting for your call. I, I love you too Jane."

"Jane, where are you? Please pick up. I don't understand why you left. Please, I hope you're at your apartment, I'm coming over."

Maura called Jane every five minutes for 6 hours. She knew she should go over to her apartment and explain, but she couldn't stop crying long enough to make her way to the car. She stayed collapsed against her front door as she dialed Jane's number over and over.

...

5 years, 2 weeks and 4 days earlier:

Maura parked in front of Jane's apartment building, happy to see Jane's car parked outside. One less challenge to face.

Walking into the building and up to Jane's door, Maura could feel her heartbeat quickening. She had no idea what she was doing, letting her emotions guide her instead of her rational, measured side.

She raised her hand, hesitating for a moment. She knocked once, softly. Then again, louder.

"I'm not home! Go away!" she heard Jane slur from the other side.

"Jane, please!" Maura begged.

"Go away! I don't need you. I take it all back, I don't need you in my life." Maura's heart dropped. Her hypothesis was right. Jane thought Maura had rejected her.

"Please! Let me in!" Maura was desperate.

"Go away." Maura took out her key, tears streaming down her face as she tried to open the door. The door clicked open a few inches before catching on the chain.

"Jane, please let me in we have to talk about this," Maura called through the small opening. No answer and no movement. Maura called out again, then again, to no avail. Jane wasn't coming to the door. She pulled the door shut, ran to her car and cried until she had no more tears. She drove home, determined to show Jane her true feelings.

...

"Ma, I'm going to go now. I'll meet you at the church in time for the rehearsal ok?"

"Aunt Janie, can I go with you?"

"TJ, what do you say?" Tommy admonished.

"Pleeeease Aunt Jane? I love hotels!"

Jane smiled at TJ. Maura found herself smiling as well. She was happy to see Jane smiling, even if it wasn't at her.

"Sure buddy, come on." Jane and TJ headed out to her car.

"Aunt Jane, why don't you come visit us? Chicago is a far way away."

"I know Teej. My job is busy. You know how Uncle Frankie has to work a lot catching bad guys?"

"Yeah..."

"Well you know that's what I do right? And it's hard for me to come visit because I work alot."

"You gotta have fun right? What do you do for fun?"

Jane thought about how to answer that. She wasn't sure that drinking too much and chasing women was the best answer for her nephew. Since moving to Chicago, Jane had developed some bad habits. Namely too many post-work beers and too many Saturday nights trying to forget Maura. Which mostly entailed finding a woman willing to go home with her, who didn't mind that Jane never called her the next day.

"I go meet new friends, I try new bars and restaurants."

"Oh, Aunt Maura likes restaurants. You should come visit so you can go to restaurants with her." Jane groaned internally. TJ had been spending too much time with his grandmother. Barely five years old and could guilt-trip with the best.

"TJ, Aunt Jane will try to visit more okay? I'll take you to ball games and we'll go to the beach in the summer ok?"

"That sounds great. Don't forget about Aunt Maura too ok? She misses you."

"I miss her too kid. I won't forget." Jane would never forget about Maura.


	3. Chapter 3

Note: 2 updates in one day? Not sure if that will happen again, but I got on a roll and here's the result. Thanks for all of the kind words.

...

"Janie, your mother is so happy you're in Boston. We both are."

"Thanks Korsak...Vince. It's good to be around the family again."

"We weren't sure...I know you haven't spoken to the doc...and well..." he trailed off, not knowing what he should say.

"Look, you worry about the fact that you're marrying into this crazy family, let me worry about every thing else. You do realize what you're getting yourself into right?" She gestured to the general chaos in front of her, Frankie and TJ rough housing, Tommy egging them on as Lydia tried to get TJ to calm down. She spotted Maura and Evan talking quietly off to the side.

"He's a good guy, loves her you know?"

"Korsak..." Jane's voice had an edge.

"Sorry, sorry. She misses you. That's all I'll say."

"Jeez, has everyone taken a page from Ma's book? I've been back in Boston for twelve hours and I can't seem to catch a break."

"Oh Janie, can you come here?"

"Saved by my mother," Jane grimaced as she turned to see what her mother wanted.

Maura had seen Jane's gaze. Her heart jumped, hoping to catch Jane's eye.

...

5 years, 2 weeks and 6 days earlier:

Maura stood at the back of the bullpen, waiting for the big announcement from Cavanaugh, hoping to catch a glimpse of Jane. She hadn't seen her since that night and her calls, emails and texts had gone unanswered. She spotted Jane standing next to Cavanaugh and wondered what Jane had to do with the big announcement.

"Detective Jane Rizzoli has accepted a position in Chicago PD's homicide department, effective two weeks from now," he paused. "Jane, Boston PD won't be the same without you, Chicago is gaining a great detective."

Maura's heart stopped.

"NO! You're not leaving Jane Rizzoli!"

Before she knew what she was doing, Maura pushed her way towards the front of the crowd. Jane looked right at her, turned on her heel and walked out of the bullpen. Maura dropped to her knees, crying, as Korsak and Frost came to her side.

"Doc, I know it's hard, your best friend moving. Let's go back to your office." They helped her towards the elevator and walked her to her office.

"I'm, I'm ok, I'm sorry you had to see that. I'm fine."

"Maura, Jane won't be in Chicago forever, you know she'll be back," Frost tried to comfort her with a smile.

"Barry, I just don't know if that's true."

"She'll be back, she told me she couldn't pass up the opportunity."

"Wait, she told you?

"Yeah, of course, I'm her partner...You...didn't know?"

"Barry..."

Korsak and Frost shared a look. How could Jane not have told Maura she was leaving? Of course they had noticed that Jane and Maura hadn't been speaking, but after they learned about Jane's impending move, they figured it had to do with that.

What had happened to make Jane leave without telling Maura?

...

"Maur, hey, you ok?" Evan's voice snapped her out of her thoughts.

She remembered that day like it was yesterday. She had replayed that moment in her head over and over again. The moment that she had lost Jane for good.

"Oh, sorry, I'm fine. Yes."

"I thought I lost you there!" Evan joked. Maura had tears in her eyes.

"Hey, hey, what's wrong honey?"

"Just, um, a lot of emotions, with the wedding and all."

"Don't try to keep it from me, I know you're disappointed you haven't been able to spend much time with Jane. I know how much you were looking forward to her homecoming."

Maura didn't know what to say. Jane's homecoming was exactly what she expected. Awkward silences, Jane trying to avoid her, tension, unresolved feelings. But it wasn't what she had allowed herself to hope for, deep inside.

She hoped that Jane would see her and their past would be forgotten, all of the pain, the misunderstanding. She wasn't sure how that would happen or how her relationship with Evan tied into all of this.

Maura loved Evan, she did. Or at least that's what she kept trying to tell herself. He was kind, handsome, smart, funny. Her parents loved him and her adopted family, the Rizzolis, accepted him into their lives. He looked at Maura with nothing but love and adoration. Her rational side knew that he was perfect for her. But no matter how much she tried not to, Maura couldn't help but hear that nagging voice in her head telling her he wasn't Jane. Seeing Jane again, no matter how strained their interactions may be, brought that voice to the forefront.

And she had no idea what she was going to do.

...

"And then Angela, you'll say 'I do', Vince will say his 'I do' and you'll be married!"

Angela beamed. What more could she want? She had rebuilt her life after Frank, Sr. left. She would be marrying an amazing man the next day, surrounded by her children. She looked out over her family, Tommy standing with Lydia and his son, Frankie joking around with Vince. And Jane. Her daughter. If she could have one wish for her wedding day it would be that her Janie would find her way back from whatever epic journey she felt she needed to take, the one that took her away from her family and more than that, away from Maura.

Angela wasn't stupid. She knew all those years ago that something had happened to Jane and Maura that had caused Jane to flee. Maura never confided in her and Lord knows Jane never would, but a mother knows. Even Constance had sensed it and the two of them had spent many hours trying to figure out what to do.

Jane stood off to the side of the chaos. She was smiling, watching her nephew, but Angela could see her body was rigid and on edge.

"Janie," Angela walked toward her daughter.

"Ma..."

"Thank you for coming. I know how hard it was...all things considered."

"It's just, I feel so lost, I lost my anchor somewhere and I can't..." she trailed off. Angela saw her eyes flicker over to Maura, who was standing close to Evan. They watched as he embraced her. Jane shook her head and turned away from them.

"It doesn't matter, this weekend is about you and Vince."

Angela wanted to press Jane, but she knew that it would be for nothing.

...

There was something to be said for the Rizzoli siblings. It had been years since they had all be together, but they always picked up where they left off, acting like children trapped in grown-up bodies. They piled into Jane's hotel room, ordered room service and watched the game.

"Janie, all seriousness, I'm glad you're home," Frankie was always the more sensitive one and also wasn't afraid of Jane's moods when things got too emotional.

"Frankie...let's just have fun tonight, no seriousness."

"Jane...it's been over five years. This is your home."

"My home is Chicago now Frankie."

"No Jane, it's the place you ran away to," he hesistated. There was no stopping now.

"It's the place you ran to when you thought Maura didn't love you."

There it was.

"Frank..." Jane's tone turned dark.

"No, don't take it out on him. We all know Jane. Even TJ. He told me he wants you to come home so Aunt Maura isn't sad any more."

"Tommy..." Jane didn't know which of her brothers to kill first.

"Look Jane, you left us here, you didn't see how she was when you left. She was sad. You left her without saying goodbye. She walked around like a zombie for months, years."

"I had to! What don't you get about that? She rejected me. I left because I couldn't see her every day and pretend that I was fine, that I could just buck up and pretend everything was fine when it wasn't."

"Jane, you can't see what's in front of your face."

"Get the hell out of her, both of you, I can't do this." She pushed them both out and slammed the door, crying as she fell onto her bed.

"What the hell are they talking about? Maura is happy now, she has everything she wants."

...

Maura laid in bed, shocked at what had just transpired.

"Evan, please...it was a mistake...I just have a lot on my mind."

"You said her name Maura. Her name. Left. Your lips. While we were making love."

"Evan, I'm sorry...I...I've just been thinking about her and her being here and I..." Maura trailed off. Every excuse sounded weak in her head. The truth was that she couldn't stop thinking about Jane and for the first time in many years she had allowed her fantasy to interfere with real life.

"Maura..." Evan put his head in his hands. "I've tried, I really have. I hoped our whole relationship that I could be enough for you, could be the best partner for you, could protect you, make you laugh, challenge you, comfort you, but somewhere deep down I knew I'd never be enough."

He paused.

"I always thought you'd find someone better than me. I never realized that you had already found them. I'm not going to beg Maura."

Maura didn't know how to respond.

"But I'm also weak enough to admit that I'll never let you go and if she's not smart enough to see you, to see you right in front of her, I'll be here."

With that he walked out of the room. She heard him open the front door, then heard his car start. She had no idea where he was going, but she didn't care.

She knew she had to find a way to show Jane how much she means to her.


	4. Chapter 4

Note: Final chapter! Thanks for all of the reviews & please let me know your thoughts!

MLH, thank you.

...

Jane woke up the next morning, grimacing at the memory of the previous night. She had to admit, her brothers had some ball, bringing up Maura like that. Was it really that obvious? In Chicago she could pretend, she could push her thoughts about Maura out of her mind. The city was a blank slate of memories of Maura. She could go to the local cop bar for a beer after work and not be reminded of hours spent over drinks, she could collapse on the couch in her apartment and suppress the memory of Maura curled up next to her. Boston was a minefield of memories. Even the street signs reminded Jane of Maura. She walked to the window of her hotel room, staring out at her home, her former home, the city she devoted her life to helping. Her brothers were right, Chicago was where she ran, it wasn't her home.

"Boston is my home. This is my city. Maura is my home."

She had to figure out a way to come home.

...

A few hours later, Jane walked into the salon, bracing herself for Hurricane Angela.

"Janie! You made it!" Angela had her hair in curlers, make up half completed.

"Of course Ma," Jane rolled her eyes. She hugged her mother, voice serious, "I am so happy for you, no matter how hard of a time I give you, I love you and I'm honored to stand up with you and Vince."

"Oh Janie," Angela looked as if she were going to burst into tears.

"No Ma! Your makeup!" Jane turned to one of the stylists, "Tissue, now!"

The women gathered around Angela, handing her tissues, trying to make her laugh instead of cry.

Jane sat down in a chair, accepted a glass of champagne and allowed a make up artist to get to work.

A few hours later, Angela stepped out of the dressing room.

"Ma, you look beautiful," Jane said with sincerity. She was already dressed in her hand-picked-by-Maura dress. She crossed the room in a few steps and wrapper her mother up into a hug.

"No tears," she whispered.

"They're happy ones."

They posed for photographs, then got into the waiting limo.

Jane was all smiles, knowing how happy her mother was with Vince after her years of heartbreak over her father.

"Janie," Angela's voice had that familiar tone that said she was about to say something Jane wouldn't like very much.

"Ma..." Jane's voice had a warning tone.

"Janie, I just want you to be happy. We don't always get second chances, I got lucky, I'm getting a second chance."

Jane resisted the urge to comment that Vince was getting a fourth chance.

"When we do, we have to take them and hold on." Angela paused, taking a deep breath, knowing that her daughter would probably not be happy to hear what she was about to say.

"She loves you."

Jane knew who her mother was talking about.

"She's waited for you for over five years."

"I know Ma," Jane's voice was resigned, but it was better than the anger Angela was expecting.

"Frankie and Tommy already got to me last night. I ran away for the wrong reason. I was stupid, I was bullheaded, I was..."

"Yourself?"

"Thanks a lot!"

"So what are you going to do? You can't keep running."

"I'm done running Ma, I promise. I just have to figure out what if she'll have me. She has Evan now."

"She'll have you. I know she will." Angela didn't reveal that she had seen Evan leave late the previous night, suitcase in hand.

"I just don't know." Jane straightened and Angela knew the topic of conversation was closed.

"Let's go get you married!"

...

The ceremony was amazing. Frankie and Tommy walked their mother down the aisle to Vince, as Jane stood next to him. All three shook his hand, then Frankie and Tommy took their places next to Vince.

There wasn't a dry eye in the church as Vince and Angela said their vows. Jane stood in front of the church, watching her mother walk back down the aisle. Her eyes drifted over the guests, drawn to one person. Maura was watching Angela and Vince, smiling broadly, tears in her eyes. Jane looked to either side of her, hoping that Evan would be there to comfort her, to wipe the tears from her eyes, but she was surprised when she didn't see him. She resisted the urge to stop and comfort Maura when it was time for her to walk down the aisle. She accepted her brothers' arms and they linked together, smiling at each other at their mother's happiness. As they passed the row where Maura was seated, Jane turned and the two women made eye contact for the first time in over five years. Jane gave her a small smile, which grew to fill her whole face when Maura returned it. Her body warmed at the sight and she walked confidently down the aisle.

The Rizzoli-Korsak family piled into a limo.

"Let's get this party started!" Tommy pulled out a bottle of champagne and a smaller bottle of sparkling cider. The family toasted to the newly married couple's happiness.

Angela looked at her children, proud of who they had become, laughing as they joked with each other and Vince, excited for the next chapter in her life.

...

Maura watched the Rizzoli family with a mixture of happiness and sadness. Happy for Angela and Vince, happy that they had found love together. Happy that the family had come together to celebrate such an occasion. She knew how much Angela, Frankie and Tommy had missed Jane. Her sadness came from knowing she was the reason they had been without her in their lives for five years.

If only she hadn't hesitated.

She looked up, tears in her eyes, and saw Jane, her Jane, smiling at her. It was tentative, questioning. It was everything to Maura. She smiled back without hesitation and saw the smile she'd pictured in her head every day for five years. It filled Jane's whole face, from the dimple in her cheek to her dark eyes. It was a smile just for her and it gave Maura hope for the first time since Jane had returned.

...

A few hours later Jane sat alone watching her mother and Vince dance, their happiness radiating off each other.

"Jane," she heard a familiar voice ask tentatively. She turned to see the blonde haired woman pull up a chair.

"Maura, I..." Jane trailed off, not really knowing what to say.

"Your mother is so happy you came home, back to Boston," Maura decided to keep the topic as neutral as possible.

"She's so happy. I don't know why it took them so long to realize what was right in front of them," Jane said wistfully. Maura wasn't sure how to respond. In her head she was thinking that Jane's statement just as easily could apply to them. Or at least at one point in time it could have.

"Sometimes it just takes time," Maura hoped Jane would understand that they weren't just talking about Vince and Angela.

"Maur," Jane looked at Maura, searching for an answer to the question she had asked so many years ago.

"Please, join Angela and Vince on the dance floor!"

"Saved by the DJ," Jane smirked. She suddenly remembered.

"Where's, where's Evan?" Jane didn't really want to know, but she hadn't seen him all day. She hoped the bastard hadn't hurt her. She also hoped he was out of the picture.

Maura's face reddened.

"Last night, we, uh...we had a fight," Maura finished lamely. Jane's heart dropped, realizing that he was still in the picture.

"I'm sorry Maur, he seemed like a really great guy. You seemed happy, really happy. I'm sure it will work out," Jane hoped her voice didn't give away the sadness she felt. Maura's face reddened as she looked at the dance floor.

"Jane, will you dance with me?" Maura asked her. Jane didn't trust her voice not to give away her feelings. She reached to Maura's outstretched hand and allowed herself to be led to the middle of the dance floor. She wrapped her arms around Maura, settling her body against Maura's and trying to settle her racing heart.

She didn't trust herself to look into Maura's green eyes without telling her her feelings, so she fixed her gaze at a point somewhere in the distance. Her mind raced, a mixture of emotions. She was touching Maura, something she had only dreamed of for five years. She held back, what if Maura turned her down again? Maura had Evan, someone who didn't run, he lived with her. Fight or no fight, Jane knew that when Maura made a commitment to someone, she would never cross the line.

Jane knew what she had to do.

"I can't do this Maura, I thought I could but I can't," she tore her arms from around Maura and walked away. She knew she was running, she knew she had broken the promise she made to her mother, but she couldn't be rejected again. Making her way through the lobby then to the parking garage, she got in her car and drove to her hotel.

...

Maura watched Jane watch her mother and new step-father dance. She wondered what she was thinking, her face not giving away her thoughts. She had avoided her all night, not even offering congratulations, afraid of saying and doing the wrong thing and making Jane run again.

"Last night, we, uh...we had a fight," Maura finished lamely. She was still embarrassed at how their relationship had ended.

"I'm sorry Maur, he seemed like a really great guy. You seemed happy, really happy. I'm sure it will work out." Jane's voice was laced with sadness.

Maura's heart dropped, realizing that Jane still didn't know how she felt. She still hadn't made it clear. She looked at the dance floor, at the couples dancing closely.

"Jane, will you dance with me?" She extended her hand. Her heart swelled as Jane reached out with acceptance. They walked hand in hand to the dance floor, coming together face to face. Her heart beat raced with a mixture of lust, of love, of fear, as Jane wrapped her arms around her waist. She wanted the moment to last forever, to have the feeling of Jane's strong arms around her forever. Her brain kept shouting, "Tell her how you feel, tell her!" but she was afraid of losing Jane. Afraid of Jane running away again. Afraid that Jane had moved on. Her heart couldn't take the heart break.

She looked up, hoping to catch Jane's eye. Jane stared into the distance, an unreadable look on her face. She finally understood what it meant to see the gears turning.

Finally Jane looked down at Maura.

"I...I can't do this Maura, I thought I could but I can't." Jane broke their embrace and walked away.

Maura stood on the dancefloor, shocked. Not again. She'd made her feelings ambiguous again. She prided herself on clarity in her work and her words, but when it came to Jane, the person for whom her feelings were unambiguous, she couldn't put the words together correctly.

She tried to follow Jane, looking in the restroom, in the lobby, but she was gone. Again.

Maura left the reception, driving home in a trance. She didn't even have Jane's phone number this time, she couldn't flood her phone with calls and texts, trying to explain everything. She got home, and for the second night in a row, cried herself to sleep.

...

Jane woke to someone pounding on her door. It was just after 1am.

"What the hell? Go away!" She looked through the peephole on the door and saw Frankie and Tommy.

"Janie, you'd better open this damn door!"

"Thomas, you'd better leave me the hell alone!"

"What are you doing? You promised Ma you weren't going to run this time!" It was Frankie's turn.

She opened the door, not wanting to have security called on them. Plus, if she murdered them, the hotel's hallway security cameras wouldn't record it.

"Guys, I appreciate it, but I can't. She's still with Evan."

"You're such an idiot Jane. He's gone. Why do you think she was alone tonight? Why do you think she asked you to dance? For a detective, you're really horrible at seeing the evidence right in front of your face."

"Francis Rizzoli..."

"No Jane, I'm tired of this. Get your head out of your ass already."

"I ruined my chances again. I ran again."

"Just go to her." Tommy's initial anger had subsided. He knew how much Jane was hurting.

"I will."

Her brothers hugged her, then stood up to leave.

"You know we do this because we love you. Plus, we want you back in Boston."

She smiled, "I love you too."

She closed the door behind them, then sat at the edge of the bed, head in her hands.

"What am I going to do? She probably hates me, even if she did love me, she probably hates me now. I ran. I ran again."

The next morning Jane checked out of the hotel and drove to the airport, returning her rental car on the way. She was ready to come home.

...

Maura pulled into her driveway, dreading the empty house she'd walk into. Evan was gone, Jane was gone, even Angela wouldn't pop over, having left earlier that day on her honeymoon. She had lost so much. She was alone.

She had woken up that morning, determined to find Jane and force them to talk. After getting Jane's hotel information from Angela, she drove over, rushing to the front desk.

"I need to speak with Jane Rizzoli, room 419." The clerk typed into her computer.

"I'm afraid she's already checked out ma'am."

"NO!" Maura didn't care how crazy she seemed. NO, her heart screamed.

Running to the parking lot, she called Angela.

"What's her flight number? She's gone."

"Um, United 244. Maura, she loves you." Maura had already hung up the phone.

Maura drove to the airport as fast as she could, hoping that she didn't get pulled over and hoping that if she did, her credentials would get her out of any delay.

Pulling into a parking spot, she rushed into the airport, searching for an information board.

"United 244, DEPARTED."

"NO!" Maura screamed, still not caring how crazy she seemed. She collapsed against a pillar, crying. She had lost Jane again.

Walking into her house, she noticed the TV on.

"Weird, I don't remember turning on the TV this morning," she thought.

She walked toward the living room to turn off the television, jumping a bit when she saw a flash of dark hair on the couch. Jane was lying asleep on her couch.

Her heart lept. Was she imagining things? Had she gone so crazy with grief that she was hallucinating?

"Jane?"

Jane's eyes opened, a smile forming.

"Maura." It was like a dream. It was like waking from a nightmare.

"Maura, I'm sorry. But I came home. I came home for you. I love you. I promise I won't run again, even if you don't love me, I need you in my life." Jane's dark eyes were hopeful.

"Jane...I lov..." she felt Jane's arms around her before she could even get the words out, lips pressed against hers and Maura deepened the kiss, trying to express every feeling she had into it. Finally, they pulled apart.

"I love you too Jane," Maura finally responded to Jane.

Five years later, Maura said the words she'd wanted to say.

Five years later, Jane heard the words she had wanted to hear.


End file.
